8 replies to this topic

[PamBeacher]

An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says to her husband, "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

He replies "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Like it if you think it was a good joke

[artistry]

That is funny, wonder what happened to her sense of smell as well?  Good one.

[Tricorder]

I wouldn't exactly call that joke cute, but me likes it anyway.

Here's something from me:

Spoiler

Turd-ghost - you know took a dump. There's some shit on the toilet paper, but none in the toilet.

Teflon turd - when you take a dump, you and the paper are so clean that you have to take a look into the toilet to make sure you actually took a dump.

Sticky turd - reminds of a hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it's still not clean. Finally, you shove some paper into your panties to keep them clean. This kind of turd usually leaves permanent stains on the toilet.

Undecisive turd - you've just finished wiping your ass, when you realize - you'll have to go back.

Stubborn turd - this kind of turd probably killed Elvis. It won't go out until you're all wet and red from straining.

Turd-dumbbell - when you take a dump, you're a few pounds lighter.

Inpatient turd - you better get to the toilet in 10 seconds. It usually peeks its head out before you sit on the toilet.

King-Kong turd - this turd is so big it won't sink unless you brake it into small pieces. This usually happens when you're at someone else's place.

Turd-splasher - when this turd hits the water, it makes a huge splash and usually splashes your butt.

Turd-wish - you sit all strained, fart a few times, but no turd in sight.

Turd-snake - this turd is usually quite soft, about thick as thumb and at least half the meter in length.

Turd-swimmer - Even after a third flush, it's still floating. Man, how do I get rid of it! This usually happens when you're at someone else's place.

Mexican food-turd - you know you can eat again when you ass stops to burn.

Turd-turtle - this kind of turd just takes a peek from your ass and quickly goes back in.

Bungee-turd - this kind of turd hangs from your ass for some time before falling down.

Slow turd - you have to sit on the toilet until your legs go numb.

Turd-Jack the Ripper - this turd sticks to the hair on your ass and then suddenly rips them off!

Party-turd - huge turd you crap out on some party, flush and watch the toilet overflow in horror.

Spraying turd - it comes out in less than a second. It reminds of a jet propulsion and sprays the entire toilet.

Windy turd - you're sitting on the toilet, farting heavily for a long period of time until you don't need to take a dump anymore.

Hallway turd - this turd usually comes after a long run home and forces you to take a dump at the hallway in front of the door of your apartment.

Shit - you shit so fast and wipe so fast and angry that you run out of toilet paper, and then you say "shit!"

Endless turd - this turd leaks out like crazy and just when you're done and start to wipe your ass, something growls and more turds start to fall out.

If I misspelled something, pardon my crappy English. Full pun intended.

[Aberdeen]

I can say that I have had each and everyone of those at some point in my life.

[Tricorder]

Even the stubborn turd, the kind that killed Elvis? Amazing you're still alive.

[Aberdeen]

I have an anus made of steel. You proberly didn't want to know that but there we are

[Tricorder]

Well, Duke Nukem has balls of steel (or so he claims), so the two of you can kick each other (you kick him in the nuts and then he will kick your ass) and moan in pain when your feet hits steel.

[Nuke]

Sawdust, on 09 December 2011 - 06:38 PM, said:

I can say that I have had each and everyone of those at some point in my life.

You and me both, pal.

[MainerMikeBrown]

Was this silent fart an SBD fart?

For those who don't know, SBD stands for Silent But Deadly.  It's the mother of all farts.